Tag: depression

The Light & Dark of It

The Light & Dark of It

It’s a new week. And I’m still here.

  • Yesterday morning I missed a crucial left turn driving to work, so I had to drive about 10 minutes out of my way to turn around. I’ve never missed that turn.
  • My eyes have been twitching on and off for over a week now. At first I thought it was something with my contacts, but then I stopped wearing my contacts…
  • I’ve been going to bed about an hour later and waking up about 30-45 minutes earlier every day for the past couple of weeks.
  • Lately, I feel perpetually behind on tasks and over-booked for activities. It’s a daily struggle.
  • I forgot my office keys at home today. I’ve never forgotten my office keys.

It’s a new week. And I want to be here.

  • Despite feeling exhausted, I’ve been setting time aside each day to draw, read, or work on a project I enjoy.
  • I’ve also been making time to just sit and watch something that makes me laugh, like The Larry Sanders Show (which I finally discovered), Tiffany Haddish telling a story, or 30 Rock on Netflix.
  • I’ve also been making time daily for 10 minutes of mindful meditation. Overall, this is beneficial, but specifically it helps me check-in with my brain & make sure I’m not telling myself too many negative stories.
  • Yoga with Adriene – 7 minute stress relief, remains essential to my weeks.
  • I decided to start therapy again to work on the sources of my anxiety & depression. I realized last week that I have told three people this month about how much therapy has helped me, so I’m going to take my own advice, and reach out for another source of help.

List: Hard Times

In my last post, I mentioned having a hard weekend. This is what “not doing great” usually looks like for me:

  • Netflix, lots of Netflix. Lately I’ve been watching so much Grey’s Anatomy I could tell you exactly how many different hairstyles Izzie had in s03. (six)
  • Wallowing on the couch
  • Crying suddenly at odd times… like when Meredith Grey has a breakthrough in therapy. (Yes, I see the irony in this.)
  • Taking another shower
  • Too many cookies
  • Lying on the floor while watching Netflix
  • Planning to get out of the house
  • Not getting out of the house
  • Planning to wake up early
  • Sleeping in

I have a lot of techniques I learned through therapy, books, and trial & error that really work for me to combat these depressive behaviors. I’ve done really well in the past couple of years to overcome the feelings that lead to weekends like this, but it’s important to acknowledge that progress doesn’t mean I’m okay all the time. It just means that when I’m not, I understand myself and can be more forgiving & hopeful later on.