Tag: anxiety

The Light & Dark of It

The Light & Dark of It

It’s a new week. And I’m still here.

  • Yesterday morning I missed a crucial left turn driving to work, so I had to drive about 10 minutes out of my way to turn around. I’ve never missed that turn.
  • My eyes have been twitching on and off for over a week now. At first I thought it was something with my contacts, but then I stopped wearing my contacts…
  • I’ve been going to bed about an hour later and waking up about 30-45 minutes earlier every day for the past couple of weeks.
  • Lately, I feel perpetually behind on tasks and over-booked for activities. It’s a daily struggle.
  • I forgot my office keys at home today. I’ve never forgotten my office keys.

It’s a new week. And I want to be here.

  • Despite feeling exhausted, I’ve been setting time aside each day to draw, read, or work on a project I enjoy.
  • I’ve also been making time to just sit and watch something that makes me laugh, like The Larry Sanders Show (which I finally discovered), Tiffany Haddish telling a story, or 30 Rock on Netflix.
  • I’ve also been making time daily for 10 minutes of mindful meditation. Overall, this is beneficial, but specifically it helps me check-in with my brain & make sure I’m not telling myself too many negative stories.
  • Yoga with Adriene – 7 minute stress relief, remains essential to my weeks.
  • I decided to start therapy again to work on the sources of my anxiety & depression. I realized last week that I have told three people this month about how much therapy has helped me, so I’m going to take my own advice, and reach out for another source of help.

2017: The Year of the ?!?!!!

My brain is not okay with tomorrow’s inauguration. All week it’s been buzzing and racing and running “omg, omg” on a loop. I’m usually pretty calm, collected, and organized. (At least outwardly.) But this week I left the gelato out and it melted, I forgot my umbrella when it rained, I cried in the car, I missed deadlines, I slept through my alarm. About once a day, I feel sort of numb and detached. Then my stomach hurts. That last part isn’t so new.

This sums up my 2017 so far pretty well:

Knowing I’m far from the only one feeling like this helps. In that way, Twitter helps. It also reminds me that the next four years hold very high stakes for America… so yes, take care of yourself and allow these hard days or weeks, but stay in the fight and keep moving ahead. It all feels very devastating right now. But also right now, Barack Obama is president of my country. He’s a really good person and his leadership was more than legislation or speeches. (Although a lot of that was really good too.) Knowing he’ll be among us as a citizen is something I think I can take comfort in tomorrow and the long days ahead.

barack-obama-photographer-pete-souza-white-house-180-5763f4da5ea1a__880

Work in Progress

I’ve started bullet journaling and it’s really helping me prioritize my daily tasks so I’m more productive. I needed the help. I too often find myself sticking things I need to get done or want to accomplish in the future on arbitrary lists in tracking apps that may or may not get much attention. Now I’ve been writing out plans daily, and doing the work of reminding & prioritizing myself. This was on my list today: BLOG POST – SOMETHING. As soon as I hit “Publish” I get to experience the (surprisingly strong) satisfaction of checking off that task in my journal. Happy New Year!

img_20170107_104121I tend to second guess my plans… quite a lot sometimes, which is why it’s hard for me to post consistently on this blog. I usually talk myself out of it. Lately, I’ve been thinking of posting and then getting stuck because half of me really wants to write about a movie I liked or a recipe I tried, but then the other half of me is frozen in after-election despair wondering, “Is there anything I can share that won’t feel inappropriately lackluster?” Not a helpful thought, I know. I’ve dealt with anxiety before but never this constant or concrete. It’s a struggle. But the attitude that we should give up on sharing the stuff of everyday life because there’s work to be done is not helpful. Sharing is part of the work… Publish!